Lessons From The Hobbit

On Friday night Jon and I had a lovely dinner and movie-night with the other two Gathering Elders and their wives. It was so nice to spend time together over good food and then to watch a good movie. We watched The Hobbit, and it was the second time I had seen it. I was so excited to watch it again because my first viewing of it in theaters on December 18th, 2012, had been quite a profound experience. I told a few people after watching it that I believed God had used it to speak to me. It seems strange to think that God would use a movie to convict and encourage me; but as I watched it again on Friday night and reflected on what I had felt and heard (from God) the first time, I knew that back in December He had been speaking to me in a profound way. I don't think I would have got that much from certain parts of the movie if He had not been using it to speak to my heart. Thinking about it afresh on Friday, I was still somewhat surprised at the idea that the God of the Universe would speak to me through a movie - that He would speak at all is such amazing grace -yet, I believe He did.

I wrote an entry in my journal the day after I watched The Hobbit in theaters, and I think I will share it today, since it fits well with last week's blog post. In December, 2012, I was really struggling with being a Pastor's wife. I was tired of ministry and in the heat of a lot of those feelings that Christine Hoover articulates so well in the excerpts I typed out from her book, The Church Planting Wife. I thought that the short talk on marriage by Francis Chan was the turning point for me in February of this year, but as I re-read this journal entry, I realized that God was working in me even earlier than that, cultivating in me a willing heart that would joyfully say "yes" to Him, even in the heat of difficulties. So here's some of what the Lord graciously spoke to my heart through The Hobbit, taken straight from my journal, which is written as a prayer to Him:

December 19th, 2012

The Hobbit was awesome last night! I felt too sheepish to tell everyone what my favourite scene was when they were all sharing theirs because it was kind of strange the part that jumped out at me. I felt like You really used it to speak to where I'm at right now. 

It was the whole scene where the dwarves came and essentially took over Bilbo's house. Bilbo lived such a quiet, simple life and wanted it to stay that way. But in came Gandalf and 13 dwarves and they ate all of Bilbo's food and messed up his entire house! Bilbo was running around trying to rescue tomatoes and doilies and plates from the rough and rowdy dwarves and getting himself into a frenzy. Reminded me of myself - how quickly I get myself into a frenzy over cleaning and cooking and all that needs to be done. I want things to go the way I want and I don't like interruptions to my plans. 

Bilbo was called to a part of the mission to reclaim the dwarves' homeland, but he was convinced that Gandalf had chosen the wrong hobbit. All he wanted was peace and quiet and comfort. And sadly, that's often all I want too. A quiet, empty house... to sit and eat dinner with Jonny every night and read and chill and relax. I actually told Jonny out loud this week that sometimes I feel as if You've cheated us by not letting us have the quiet, foundational years that most young couples have after getting married. With Jon starting full-time ministry right after our wedding, we hit the ground running trying to figure out work-life balance and priorities when ministry is a lifestyle job - very difficult. Sometimes I wish we just had normal 9-4 jobs and came home to each other and had no other responsibilities.... that we could hang out every evening and do things we enjoy... and have friends over occasionally... just a simple, quiet, keep-to-oursleves life. I see others who do that, and a part of me envies their lives of private piety. They don't seem to feel the same burden of responsibility that Jon and I do... maybe they have a different calling? 

When Bilbo woke up in his home the morning after he refused to be part of the mission, his house had been all tidied up! The sun was streaming in his window, everything was in its correct place again, and there was peace and beautiful quiet in his hobbit hole. Gandalf and the dwarves were gone... it was as if the previous night had been a dream... except for the contract lying on his table, with the blank line waiting for Bilbo's signature. Standing in his hobbit hole, with everything exactly as he wanted it to be, something stirred in Bilbo. And I found THIS to be the most compelling part of the whole movie. In that moment I believe Bilbo realized that his desire to say "yes" to his calling ran even deeper than his desires for peace and quiet and comfort. 

As he sprinted to catch up with Gandalf and the dwarves, he ran past countless hobbit holes with hobbit families who would continue in their quiet, peaceful lives, tending gardens, making ale, raising hobbit babies... and he ran, not knowing if this mission would cost him his life, if he would ever see his home again, or if his desires for simplicity and comfort would ever be realized... yet he ran because he was called to be a part of something bigger than himself. He had a role to play in a great story. 

I know that even if I woke up to everything 'as it should be' like Bilbo did that morning, there is a desire that runs deeper in my heart - the desire to say "yes" to You - whatever that means. When I look back at the last almost 2 years of mine and Jonny's marriage, I can't say I would do anything differently. I complain about wanting simplicity and more time to focus on us and our marriage, but I know that those desires are second to my desire to say "yes" to You. 

We are currently in a war and part of that "yes" means fighting. There is a mission to be accomplished. The Kingdom has come already, but it's still not yet. There is much to be done. Someday we will put up our feet and rest from our labours (Revelation 14:13), but that day is not today. Like the dwarves, there are countless 'homeless' people in need of help... and there is an evil dragon, along with his dark forces, seeking to steal, kill and destroy the lives of men. I can't just hunker down in my comfy hobbit hole when I am called to be a part of THE Great Story that is unfolding. I must die to myself and these lesser desires. I must proclaim the eternal gospel that Revelation 14:6-7 speaks of. I must worship the Maker of Heaven and Earth and really love Him... and I must love my neighbour. What else can my response be to the One who was slaughtered to purchase me for God by His blood (Revelation 5:9)? I must serve His Body and support Jonny to shepherd His flock, even when that's hard. 

Forgive me for being so focused on my own comfort... for being selfish... for looking at the lives of others with envy. I want to say "yes" to You... to follow You in the way You've ordained and pre-destined for me to. You are sovereign and You have brought us to this moment and place in time. Help me to embrace each step from You as part of the journey, even when it's unexpected. Thank You for speaking to me and calling me. Please give me endurance I pray.

Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the Source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God's throne. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, so that you won't grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3)