Flowers in a Bucket

Every year I tell myself that I'm not that big on Valentines Day... that it's just an overly commercialized day businesses make the most of by trying to get people to spend unnecessary money, but it's really just like any other day and not a big deal. Who am I kidding though? Every year I'm thrilled when Jon and I do something special, and deep down I think I'd be kinda sad if we didn't!

This year we had dinner reservations at a nice restaurant at 6:30pm and I was beyond thrilled. I thought that was our gift to each other and didn't expect anything else, but when I went to get dressed up for our date and opened the door of our bedroom, I was greeted by a dozen beautiful orange roses (I have never seen roses in that colour before!) in a Home Depot bucket, with a small envelope in front of them on the floor that read "For my Valentine". Needless to say my heart melted!

 
My husband is a poet. Unfortunately though, his poetry was a bit lost on me this time! I read his poetic words on the tiny card and ran upstairs to give him a kiss, chuckling about the fact that he put them in a Home Depot bucket. I told him I thought that was funny and cute, and he said "Do you get it?" I was like "Get it?" He went on to tell me that the Home Depot bucket was intentional and I should read the card again. So I did. And I still didn't get it. O dear. So he explained.

What do you think of when you think "Home Depot?" Construction. Hard work. Building something. He had written out two quotes on the card:

It is not the love that sustains the covenant, but the covenant that sustains the love - D. Bonhoeffer
                                             
The ground of promise is the soil in which the flower of love grows - J. Piper 

So the Home Depot bucket was symbolic of the covenant or the "hard work" of committed love, in which the beautiful flowers of romantic love, including feelings, grow. The rest of the card went on to express his commitment to honoring forever the covenant we made with one another on January 2, 2011. I loved it.

Yet for the whole day yesterday,  as I looked at my roses sitting in their Home Depot bucket and read and re-read the card a billion times, I had unsettled feelings about Jonny's words, and I couldn't figure out why... until now.

As much as I know it is true that feelings are not the basis of marital love, part of me has totally bought into Hollywood's depiction of love. I know from experience, from reading the Bible and other solid books, and from talking to others, that the feelings come and go and that they can't be the foundation of our marriage, but sometimes I still want them to be. The concepts of covenant and commitment seem so unromantic at times and I wish we could always FEEL head over heels and giddy! As I was trying to process how on earth I could actually be bothered about Jon's sweet surprise gift and his promise to honor the covenant we made when it's easy and when it's hard, I realized that the problem is that I think far too highly of myself. Let me explain what I mean.

I like to think that I am easy to love.... to imagine that Jon will feel those "can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series" kind of feelings (quote from the movie "It Takes Two") for me all the time because I'm so awesome and he can't help himself. So when I thought more deeply about the gift and card he gave me on Thursday, I began to get a little disconcerted. Shouldn't it just come easy for him to have the gushy feelings of love for me? Am I hard to love? (I know, way to put a negative spin on something great. My battle against pessimism and negativity will be a post for another day!) But then I thought, you know what, the truth is I am hard to love sometimes. And heck, sometimes I don't have mushy gushy feelings either! Sometimes it doesn't come easy. It's not like the movies at all. Feelings ebb and flow, like the tide. I just need to accept that reality instead of fighting it. Because focusing on the feelings isn't actually what makes them flourish! It's the hard work of commitment, it's the promise we've made to stick with each other and love each other in action that makes those beautiful flowers grow.

Funnily enough, I heard the song "Hard to Love" by Lee Brice on Thursday, and it kept coming back to me all day on Friday as I was wrestling through these thoughts. The chorus says:

I'm hard to love, hard to love
I don't make it easy
I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood
I'm hard to love hard to love
But you say that you need me
I don't deserve it
But I love that you love me good

I'm still a sucker for romantic feelings. But I'm so thankful for the reminder from Jon that our love is more than fleeting feelings.... that he's committed to me for the long haul and isn't going to bail on the days when I'm hard to love. It was good to recognize my pride and the fact that I was thinking more highly of myself than I ought to. Neither Jon nor God love me because I'm so awesome and I deserve it. They love me unconditionally, when I least deserve it. And that is deeper and truer and better than Hollywood love any day!

Thanks Jonny. I love that you and Jesus love me good! Thanks for imaging His love to me, and for reminding me how beautiful the ground (or bucket) of promise is! We can't have the flower of love without the soil in which it grows.