Learning to "be"

This week I watched Emily P. Freeman's second video on "Letting Go of the Try Hard Life"(you can check it out yourself by clicking here Letting Go of the Try Hard Life session 2), and I have been thinking on the question she asked, "Are you willing to do less and be more?" My heart screamed "YES! That sounds AMAZING!" as I was watching the video, but I totally relate to what she said about it sounding unrealistic. The responsibilities of life don't just go away. Who's going to get stuff done if I take time to be?  My mental picture of "being" involves physical down time - reading my Bible, writing out prayers in my journal, painting, relaxing, just enjoying peace and quiet. But what if being refers to a stillness on the inside? Is it really possible to have a stillness of heart when I'm doing things? Or even crazier - when difficult situations arise in the course of my day? Can I only be still inside when I am physically quiet and at rest? When things are going well relationally with the people I love and there are no stressful situations? Or could there actually be a deeper stillness and rest from God?

The devotional to go along with the video said this:
To remain in Him means to refuse to get up from His lap. When it seems like the situation calls for me to stand up and take charge, Jesus gives me permission to remain still, if only on the inside, to trust deeply and fully that He will be strong on my behalf. 

I wrote that excerpt out in my journal on Wednesday afternoon, but then on Wednesday night I promptly got out of Jesus' lap, stood up and took charge of a certain situation. In a conversation I had with a dear loved one, I argued and tried to force her to change.... to see that she was wrong in her perspective on a certain issue. But changing people is the Holy Spirit's job, not mine. And then again on Friday I got completely flustered about another situation. I was thinking about what I had to DO to make things right, and it was consuming me. In both of those instances I wasn't willing to do less and be more. I forgot that the work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent (John 6:29). I didn't trust deeply and fully that Jesus would be strong on my behalf in those situations. Instead, I decided and lived like I had to do something to make everything o.k. This isn't how I want to live! Tonight, as I reflect on this week, I feel like the father of the demonized boy in Mark 9:24 who said to Jesus, "Help my unbelief!" The real work of God - believing - is the one that I struggle with the most, and I feel impatient with myself. Ironically I want to DO something to make myself BE faster! O boy. But I am reminded of the words to a song that I discovered this week, and it is so good for right now (For Your Splendor).  Here's how it goes:

I'm so concerned with what I look like from the outside
Will I blossom in to what You hope I’ll be?
Yet You're so patient just to help me see
The blooms come from a deeper seed that You planted in me.

Sometimes it’s hard to grow when everybody's watching.
To have your heart pruned by the One who knows best
Although I am bare and cold I know my season’s coming
And I will spring up in Your endless faithfulness. 

CHORUS:
With my roots deep in You
I'll grow the branch that bares the fruit
And though I’m small I'll still be standing in the storm.
Cause I am planted by the river
By Your streams of living water
And I'll grow up strong and beautiful all for Your splendor Lord.

It may take time, but God will help my unbelief. He will teach my heart to be still and know that He is God, to rest, to be. The seed He's planted in me will grow, all for His glory and splendor. Amen Lord Jesus. Let it be done. 

³You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in Me, and I in you. Just as a branch is unable to produce fruit by itself unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in Me
 ⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me. ⁶ If anyone does not remain in Me, he is thrown aside like a branch and he withers. They gather them, throw them into the fire, and they are burned. ⁷ If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you want and it will be done for you. ⁸ My Father is glorified by this: that you produce much fruit and prove to be My disciples.
(John 15:3-8)