Learning to "be"

This week I watched Emily P. Freeman's second video on "Letting Go of the Try Hard Life"(you can check it out yourself by clicking here Letting Go of the Try Hard Life session 2), and I have been thinking on the question she asked, "Are you willing to do less and be more?" My heart screamed "YES! That sounds AMAZING!" as I was watching the video, but I totally relate to what she said about it sounding unrealistic. The responsibilities of life don't just go away. Who's going to get stuff done if I take time to be?  My mental picture of "being" involves physical down time - reading my Bible, writing out prayers in my journal, painting, relaxing, just enjoying peace and quiet. But what if being refers to a stillness on the inside? Is it really possible to have a stillness of heart when I'm doing things? Or even crazier - when difficult situations arise in the course of my day? Can I only be still inside when I am physically quiet and at rest? When things are going well relationally with the people I love and there are no stressful situations? Or could there actually be a deeper stillness and rest from God?

The devotional to go along with the video said this:
To remain in Him means to refuse to get up from His lap. When it seems like the situation calls for me to stand up and take charge, Jesus gives me permission to remain still, if only on the inside, to trust deeply and fully that He will be strong on my behalf. 

I wrote that excerpt out in my journal on Wednesday afternoon, but then on Wednesday night I promptly got out of Jesus' lap, stood up and took charge of a certain situation. In a conversation I had with a dear loved one, I argued and tried to force her to change.... to see that she was wrong in her perspective on a certain issue. But changing people is the Holy Spirit's job, not mine. And then again on Friday I got completely flustered about another situation. I was thinking about what I had to DO to make things right, and it was consuming me. In both of those instances I wasn't willing to do less and be more. I forgot that the work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent (John 6:29). I didn't trust deeply and fully that Jesus would be strong on my behalf in those situations. Instead, I decided and lived like I had to do something to make everything o.k. This isn't how I want to live! Tonight, as I reflect on this week, I feel like the father of the demonized boy in Mark 9:24 who said to Jesus, "Help my unbelief!" The real work of God - believing - is the one that I struggle with the most, and I feel impatient with myself. Ironically I want to DO something to make myself BE faster! O boy. But I am reminded of the words to a song that I discovered this week, and it is so good for right now (For Your Splendor).  Here's how it goes:

I'm so concerned with what I look like from the outside
Will I blossom in to what You hope I’ll be?
Yet You're so patient just to help me see
The blooms come from a deeper seed that You planted in me.

Sometimes it’s hard to grow when everybody's watching.
To have your heart pruned by the One who knows best
Although I am bare and cold I know my season’s coming
And I will spring up in Your endless faithfulness. 

CHORUS:
With my roots deep in You
I'll grow the branch that bares the fruit
And though I’m small I'll still be standing in the storm.
Cause I am planted by the river
By Your streams of living water
And I'll grow up strong and beautiful all for Your splendor Lord.

It may take time, but God will help my unbelief. He will teach my heart to be still and know that He is God, to rest, to be. The seed He's planted in me will grow, all for His glory and splendor. Amen Lord Jesus. Let it be done. 

³You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in Me, and I in you. Just as a branch is unable to produce fruit by itself unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in Me
 ⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me. ⁶ If anyone does not remain in Me, he is thrown aside like a branch and he withers. They gather them, throw them into the fire, and they are burned. ⁷ If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you want and it will be done for you. ⁸ My Father is glorified by this: that you produce much fruit and prove to be My disciples.
(John 15:3-8)
 

Adoption

This week I have been stirred up with excitement again about adoption! Jon and I have been married for 2 years now (we just celebrated our anniversary on January 2nd!) and we are hoping/planning to start a family, through adoption, in the next few years. Watching videos like these brings tears to my eyes and reminds me of  the reasons why we have made the decision to adopt our children:

1. Because God didn't leave us as orphans but adopted us into His family (John 1:12, John 14:18, Romans 8:14-16, Galatians 4:4-6, 1 John 3:1-2)
2. Because God rescued us from the Kingdom of darkness and brought us into the Kingdom of the Son He loves (Colossians 1:13)
3. Because God loves us unconditionally and forever when we are adopted into His family (Romans 8:28-39, John 5:24,  John 6:37-40, Ephesians 1:3-14)
4. Because God is a father of the fatherless and He provides homes for those who are deserted (Psalm 68:5-6)
5. Because pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans in their distress (James 1:27) 
6. Because we want "to image to our own hearts, and to the world, the glory of God and all that He has done for us" (quote from the "Beautiful Adoption story" video below) 

Praying that God, in His perfect time and perfect way,  would lead us to the children who will become ours someday. Pumped to bring them home!

Beautiful Adoption story: 
http://smthfmly.com/journal/13705796


I like Adoption Video:

What's in a Name? The Reason Behind "Nearer Still"

I have been thinking about starting blog for a while now, but a good friend encouraged me to a few weeks ago, and I think it was the final push I needed! As I was trying to think of a title for it, the phrase “Nearer Still” came to mind. I wanted a name that wouldn’t just be for this season, but that would apply to every stage of life, and I think this one fits that bill. 

Recently Hebrews 4:15-16 have become particularly significant verses of Scripture for me. I have been realizing how easy it is for me to run from God to other things when faced with life’s inevitable challenges. They may be big challenges, or just the small, ordinary, everyday bumps of life, but over and over again my temptation is to look for satisfaction in other things – whether that’s my husband’s attention and approval, the approval of others, productivity (getting things crossed off my “to-do list”), good health, peace and quiet or a host of other things. So often I blame my circumstances for my bad attitude, but I am coming to see that the problem is actually with me, not the circumstances! Sure, there may be difficult things going on at times, but it’s my sinful heart that’s really the issue.  Maybe I actually knew that before - that the problem is really with me. I think I have, deep down. But instead of repenting, I’ve been sitting and wallowing in my sin. 

In a book I am reading right now called “Idols of the Heart”, Elyse Fitzpatrick says: The worship of idols is the reason we’re discontented and it’s why we disobey God, and I recognize that as my perennial problem. I’m at the point where I’m desperate to change. I’m not content to see that I am being sinful and stay there.  I’m not ok with worshipping idols instead of the One True God. Every moment is an opportunity for me to draw near to Him – EVERY moment. When I’m sick, when I am hurting, when I am busy, when I am frustrated with someone – even in these moments, I decide who I will worship. And in every single moment, God’s mercy and grace are available to me, because of Christ. He lived the perfect life I could never live and died the death I deserved to die, in my place, so that now I can actually draw near to God. Even though He knows me and how fickle my sinful heart is... even though He sees how often I worship other things in His place, I can dare to step towards His throne of grace because He’s full of mercy and sympathy and more than able to change me.  

So, I think “Nearer Still” is a good title for this blog. It captures what God is doing in my life right now, but I hope that it is always the cry of my heart as I continue to fight to be a true follower and worshiper of Christ.

There’s a song by Leila N. Morris that was written in 1898 that I think is a perfect way to end this first entry. May this always be my prayer: 

Nearer, still nearer, close to Thy heart,
Draw me, my Savior—so precious Thou art!
Fold me, oh, fold me close to Thy breast.
Shelter me safe in that “Haven of Rest”;
Shelter me safe in that “Haven of Rest.”

Nearer, still nearer, nothing I bring,
Naught as an offering to Jesus, my King;
Only my sinful, now contrite heart.
Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart.
Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart.

Nearer, still nearer, Lord, to be Thine!
Sin, with its follies, I gladly resign,
All of its pleasures, pomp and its pride,
Give me but Jesus, my Lord, crucified.
Give me but Jesus, my Lord, crucified.

Nearer, still nearer, while life shall last.
Till safe in glory my anchor is cast;
Through endless ages ever to be
Nearer, my Savior, still nearer to Thee;
Nearer, my Savior, still nearer to Thee